this time in my dream, he didn’t love me back.
awful dream to end an awful night, that started in a shitty mood because of an awful dream i had the night before. maybe it’s because i have zero seretonin or whatever the fuck it’s called. my life is a shit show.
this time, i don’t know where we were or what we were doing, but we were together and he was about to go somewhere with some other guy and to run an errand really quickly and i was staying back with someone.. don’t remember who was in the dream besides him, though. but anyway, we had a normal conversation and as he was leaving i said “i love you” and he didn’t respond. so i went up to him and said it again. “i love you” and he didn’t respond. and then i got in his face. we’re right up against each other, chest to chest, and he’s like “yeah i love me too” and left. he didn’t even love me in my dream last night.
i don’t understand why i’m so hung up on this asshole. i really, really fucking hate him and he brings me nothing but pain now, but he was so perfect and you can’t help who you fall in love with, right. i just hate that nothing is recipricated.
i felt so lonely yesterday. i was getting weird signals from my friends and everyone was acting weird… then i got white girl wasted and all those sober thoughts came out in drunken, annoying yelling and whining. ugh i was fucking awful. i can’t believe i fucking made a fool out of myself like that.
i need a fucking therapist or some shit i’m fucking mental. normal people aren’t this sad for these reasons. and i know another main reason… i just am not putting that shit on the internet. i wish i had it all under control.
